The Playwrite

It’s been a while.

I think I’ve waited so long to write because I began to use my blogging as a place to vent when in reality I wanted this to be about showing what God was doing in my life, how He was blessing me. I think I was complaining too much.

I want to stay candid and show my real emotions, just surround them with spiritual truth.

Graduation is six weeks away and I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to get to California. I’m excited to see my family, but I think I’m also excited to “escape” my life for a while.

Do you ever have those points in your life where everything seems exciting and dreadful at the same time? It sounds crazy, but that’s my life right now. I’m producing a dinner theatre which has its ups and downs in and of itself, money is fine, I’m graduating in six weeks, and I’m not quite sure what’s next. That’s the crazy thing about graduating college. What’s next?

I don’t have a specific vocation right out of school waiting for me (other than continuing the internship I’m in now, which isn’t a bad option), I don’t have a girlfriend, I am not even sure how much longer I can live here. Life isn’t how I planned it, at least we’re not following the script I wrote. The script I wrote had me meeting my future wife in college, dating past graduation, getting a job somewhere, getting married and a few years down the line having children, all while we each were progressing in our different areas loving people along the way). Maybe it’s good God is writing the script.

This is the main thing I’m learning: my life doesn’t follow my script. Right now, it’s following God’s and to be honest I’m not sure of what He is doing. Usually I can predict what happens in the story, but right now I am at a loss. But it’s okay, as I have been finding out, God’s script is much better than my own, the characters develop at a better pace than mine and to be honest it’s more interesting.

It’s unexpected.

And I have to improvise my way through.

But you know what? The Playwrite is also the Director, so he’s coaching me along the way and He hasn’t let me down yet. Though I don’t understand what I’m doing or where I’m going all the time, I know once the curtain falls the story will have been a beautiful one.

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No One’s Best Man

This might get a little depressing, consider yourself warned.

There have been a lot of different things that have been happening recently and tonight after having a full night of extroverting and feeling good it seems I am in for the opposite. Lately I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot, whether it’s because a lot of my friends are getting married or close to it, or I just want a person that special to my life, I am not sure. That is frustrating enough, not having a girlfriend, but then I think further. I wonder…who will be my best man?

I don’t have a best friend. The last best friend I had was in Junior High and the first part of High School, we have since grown apart. I never really developed a one close friend in college. This bothers me. I begin to wonder if my desire for a girlfriend is also a desire to have a best friend. But a guy should still have another guy best friend. My friends are always shifting, either by circumstance or whatever, they always are changing. More often than not they also have that one really close friend.

Now, I have friends, and many of them, but we’re not really close. There is no Maverick and Goose, no Chuckie and Tommy, no Ted and Marshall (Barney interrupts). I have good friends, just no best friends. A lot of people like me, like having me around. But I don’t have a best man.

At the same time, I’ve never been someone else’s best man. I’ve never even been in someone’s wedding party, and perhaps that’s because not all of my friends are married, but still, I have never been in someone else’s wedding party. I honestly don’t know what this means, but I just needed to write it out, because if I don’t I’ll go crazy.

Now I sit and wonder: How can I become someone’s best man?
I can’t force this, but is there something I can do? Do better? I never thought this would be something that bothers me, but it does and I don’t know what to do about it.

I’m sorry. I don’t like pestering people with my moodiness, I just had to voice it somehow, because I don’t have an answer and I don’t like not knowing the answer, especially to important stuff.